Well, well, well! I know, it has been a very long time since I posted. First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who subscribes to Garden of Growth—whether it’s here or in the Facebook group. I want you to know that my absence has not been without regret.

So, without further ado, let’s dive in.

Where Have I Been?

That is an excellent question and one that I wish had a straightforward answer. But to make a long story short, life. New job, new city, new everything, really. & on top of that—

I lost my aunt.

Back in October, my aunt went to the hospital for what we thought would be routine surgery, but instead, we found out there were more serious complications, and she passed away on October 22nd.

So I went from celebrating a big move to being in denial that I was losing yet another piece of my heart. Grief is a funny space, one that I’m still learning to navigate. Some days I feel like I’m getting better at it, then other days, I feel like I’m spiraling.

Watching my mom lose her big sister broke something in me, and I’ll be honest, it’s taking some time to get back to me. Then again, maybe I don’t get back to me because I never thought I’d spend the rest of my life without my Aunt Sharon. She was such a joy. Not only was she funny, but she was also quick, clever, strong, and, most importantly, caring.

She didn’t have any children of her own, but she helped my mom and my other aunts raise their children. Not only did she babysit, but she also taught me how to fight. 🤣 Aunt Sharon loved me beyond words, and I knew that. I felt that. All my life, I felt that.

I think I’ve been avoiding writing because it might make me cry. I’m talking about the ugly cry that leaves your chest and takes your breath away. The one that makes you gasp and scream. The cry that hurts. You see, that type of cry takes time, and with the way life is set up, it’s often hard to take the time to be with the tears and the “what-ifs.”

Knowing and accepting are two different things. It’s easy to tell someone else all those cliché things about life and death, but when it’s your turn to take it, it’s hard.

So here I am, snowed in, wanting to start back writing, and the only thing I can think to say is:

I miss my aunt.

Her voice.

Her smile.

Her laugh.

Most importantly, I miss her love.

She was so happy for me when I told her I was moving, and I finally landed the job of my dreams. I mean, the smile she gave me truly made my day. To turn thirty-four without her, to experience my first snow in a new city without her calling to see if I’m okay, if I’m in the house, and if I have enough snacks, it’s tough. There’s an ache in my chest that doesn’t seem to be healing.

I know it won’t always be like this, and I know God doesn’t make mistakes. However, my heart is hurting, and I needed to take the time to acknowledge that.

💕🌻💕🌻

So, I think that’s where I’ll leave this post. I wanted to let you guys know I’m not giving up; it’s just taking a little bit longer to process, but I will be back. I love Garden of Growth. This space saved my life in more ways than one, so giving it up is just not an option.

Please remember: Even in grief, something beautiful can grow.

Once again, I thank you for all your support, prayers, well wishes—everything. I’m coming back! One step at a time.

Take Care,

Tori B. 💕🌻