Pressure on My Toes🩰

Overthinking.
Overworking.
Overexerting, and now my toes hurt.

I’ve been reading “You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience” by Tarana Burke and Dr. Brene Brown, and reading many of my feelings as shared experiences among other Black people propelled me into self-acceptance.

“Shame resilience, according to Brene Brown, “is the ability to practice authenticity when we experience shame, to move through the experience without sacrificing our values, to come out on the other side of the shame experience with more courage, compassion, and connection than we had going into it.” ( “Honoring Our Stories”–Deran Young)

Life is full of cringe moments that we wish could be rewound and erased, and for a long time, those moments were in my shame/blame box. Please know that no matter how many tasks you complete, shame waits for you to finish, hoping for a conversation–a reconciliation.

Before reading this book– there were items packed away in my shame/blame box. Being this sensitive and wildly mistaken person was jam-packed inside the SB box. See–not only am I a woman, but I am a tall, full-figured, Black woman with the most beautiful brown eyes you’ve ever seen.😉.

You see, Black girls aren’t allowed to be children because society forbids it. Now MY parents demanded it, advocated for it—for me, and that is why I was always able to faintly hear that voice inside my head assuring me, “There’s nothing wrong with you—you are beautiful.” This beacon of hope, just begging me to get off my toes. Even with love and support embracing me, I still felt alone because of the shame. It was so loud that I thought maybe if I tried to blend in a little more, that would help release the pressure–it did not work. If I spoke a little less and amped up people-pleasing, shame would disappear, and I could get on with my life. Once again–it did not work. Peace, love, happiness, sadness, guilt, anger, and shame come together to accompany the experience of living life. Those ups, downs, and in-betweens have to happen. Here is where empathy and sympathy come together for the perfect duet. Self-acceptance means accepting it all–every single piece of you. I believe that self-acceptance makes it easier to experience self-love as well as the love your community wants to give you.

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“Shame sits in the body and restricts the flow of love.” (Yolo Akili Robinson)

You have to talk to shame. It is an unavoidable conversation, and if left unspoken, can cause quite a bit of damage and pressure on the toes. Owning every piece of me took a lot of strength. Finding the voice to say: “Yes, that happened, but I am still choosing me.” Reaching the decision to walk flat on my feet became the requirement for being authentic and resilient.

Everything that I have accomplished, I owe it to my toes. Emptying the SB box, I owe that to shame. Standing on your tippy toes does absolutely nothing for your feet. I encourage you to take some time and talk through your shame. Try listening–and maybe–JUST maybe…you will be ready to walk on your feet too. 💜

Take Care,

ToriB💕🌻